How Not to Suck in Life!

Have you ever caught yourself doing things you aren’t so particularly good at? How does it feel? Sure, it doesn’t feel good to begin with. But more than that, it gets on your nerves, drives you nuts, its like someone is throwing bricks on you and your job is to protect yourself from being hurt while keeping your cool.  And really, it sucks to be in such a state. I know that because I felt that way just few moments ago. I was having my sewing class and I suck at it. Results? How in the world everyone else is so good at it and enjoys doing it while I am destroying samples after samples and getting nowhere. Just moving around in circles. Is there anything you can do about it? Sure sucking at something may not end in one day. You have gotta deal with it for a longer time than you think. There must be a way to get along and not be frustrated. I, for one, don’t wanna live with this kind of feeling anymore. I have decided to change it. What I am going to do is simple- Just do it. No matter how frustrating it seems I will consciously choose to not complain, or gruel. If there is one thing I have direct control over, that is my attitude. I will change that. Think about it this way. Stuffs you hate can be of tremendous value. They usually tend to reveal to you your true self. They tell more about you than anything else does. How you deal with something intolerable, something too difficult or something you hate to do but have to do anyway, goes a long way to say whether or not shall you maintain grace under pressure.  So here is what I suggest and let’s follow this suggestion- Next time you are caught up in such a situation, stop complaining and think of it as a challenge, as an uphill battle you are fighting for you pride, and Just do it!

Damn! There is no need I tell you to share or "like" this article! If you want to, you'd probably do it anyway!

Consider the last time you said that your life isn’t worthwhile at all. I had this feeling a day ago. I was doing some assignment which I hated like hell and yet I was doing because I had no other options. Hmm.. No other options. Well, as far as I know, there are two types of work- Ones that we are supposed to do and other that we choose to do. Its just that the greater part of our time is normally filled by the works that we are supposed to do. And, probably that’s why our life sucks so much! Consider a situation when everything you did was because you were somehow willing to do it. Aha! That would be like living in paradise. Raise your hands if you haven’t experienced it so far. Most probably you have. Think about it. You certainly can’t do anything about the works that you are supposed to do. You still gotta do them. But can you change yourself in a way that they become part of the works that you choose to do?

As I said in my previous post that unless we are aware of the meaning of financial freedom, we won’t be able to make choices that will lead us to achieve this state. Financial freedom per se means freedom to do anything we want that requires money. It follows by this definition that, if you want to buy a home, you will be considered financially free if you are able to buy it. Similarly if it is a long vacation you want, and you can afford it, you are financially free. This is all most of us know about this term. Believe me it is just a vague definition and has very slight co-relation with the actual meaning of financial freedom. Financial freedom is much more than that, and more particularly very different from the above mentioned definition.

Definition of financial freedom-

Financial freedom is an economic or financial state of an individual or family in which it is able to get along in his/their life with the desired standard of living without requiring to work for the money that is needed to maintain that state. It means if in anyway it is required for you to work for the money that is needed to buy the home you want, you are not financially free. That money must come without your requiring to work for it. Furthermore, any money or income that comes without your requiring to work for it is called passive income. Now according to this definition financial freedom is a purely subjective state. It means that there may be a person who needs double the money to maintain his or her standard of living than his neighbor, which means his neighbor requires half the money in passive income to be called financially free.

Meaning of financial freedom for you-

Let us do an exercise to determine the specific state of passive income you need to reach in order to become financially free. In order to do this exercise you will need a paper and a pen. I call this exercise NWH (need/want/have) exercise. Make three columns titled need and  want. In the need column list things that you need to survive with their average monthly costs. The column generally includes a home (either your own house for which you may be needing to pay the mortgage or you may want to pay a monthly rent for living in a rented space ) , food, electricity etc. The common characteristics of this list is these are the things you cannot do without. The next step is to fill the want column. The list may include TV, Cars, A/c, Refrigerator, Computer, Internet, A Dinner every weekend, A Vacation every 3 month (which means you have to divide the total money spent on vacation by 3) etc. The common characteristics of these things are that they make life more pleasant and simple. Now just tick mark the things you already have. You may have noticed that for  few things (like TV) you are required to pay just once and for others you are needed to make payments every month (or year or so). Now divide things in two groups (one-time vs. recurring payments) which excludes the ticked items. Add the costs separately. And you are done. You will be considered financially free if  firstly, you have a net worth equal to or greater than the amount of money calculated in the first group (one time payment group) and a passive monthly income equal to or greater than the amount of money calculated in the second group (recurring payment group).

A general assumption-

It is assumed that most people will become financially free if they will have a net worth of more than $1 million and $200,000 in passive income as per year 2010 value of $1.

My next article will go in details about passive income- what is meant by passive income and what are the common vehicles of passive income.

Financial freedom is a big word ever since we faced the great depression in 1929. It is considered as the highest financial goal of an individual. Though I am just 20 year old and thus do not consider myself qualified to write about this subject, yet I find it obligatory to share with you my learnings on the subject.

It begins with a choice.

Though I’m young, I consider myself fortunate for being introduced to meaning of financial freedom early in my life. When you know something, your choices is different than when you don’t. Ever since I heard this buzz I developed a keen interest on the subject and eventually ended up reading volumes of books on the subject. Slowly and gradually I realised that financial freedom is result of certain choices which we make both on a consistent basis as well as at few crucial points in our lives.  Through this and the series of upcoming articles I’ll discuss the choices you have to make and the point of time in your life it is most suitable to make those choices in order to achieve financial freedom.

Meaning of financial freedom.

The first thing  which is also the focus of this article is to know what financial freedom means in the first place. It is as if travelling in a train and knowing which station you have to go. You will buy a different ticket for a different destination. In the same way you must know what is financial freedom in order to make the required choices (or buy the required ticket).

I was introduced to this term when I was some 17 years old.  I  was in the beautiful city of Jaipur, the capital of Rajsthan and known all around the world for its architectural grandeur and beauty. It’s a hub for tourists coming from all around the world. I was visiting one such monument (It is popularly known as Jantar Mantar). There I met a tourist from Germany who had been accompanied by virtually all his family. This fellow was fortunately talking in English and was somewhat around 40 to 50 years old. I asked him how long they have been travelling on which his reply was for almost 5 years. I was shocked. And then I grew curious. I thought to myself this fellow has either inherited a huge amount of fortune or lives off through begging. Somehow, I gathered the courage to ask him how does he manage to travel the whole world, stay in the best hotels without spending a single second in any kinds of Job. His answer was the first awakening toll that I still find ringing in my ears. Simple though, he replied “I’m financially free.”

I’ll explain in my next article what does it exactly meant by being financially free.

I often come across people with ideas for the next big thing but they often ask-Is it possible for you, regardless of who you are, to become a successful entrepreneur without a solid educational background? It remains one of the most debatable topics in world of business start-ups. There are plenty of serious examples overriding the fact that education has any influence on the success of entrepreneurs. Examples of people who dropped out of college in their early twenties and went on to create huge businesses often get us thinking whether education is worth it or is it the right choice if we want to be successful as an entrepreneur. The fact remains that while wrong kind of education may not help you or even may very well prevent you from becoming successful, right kind of education can actually be a serious advantage. There is, however, no universal principle that says ” Getting education is inevitable or completely unnecessary.” Whether your education will help you or it will be a waste of money and time is subject to various factors. I will analyse those factors to help you figure out whether or not you should bother about getting a college education.

For a very long time I have had a very vague idea of happiness. I originally believed that if I could be successful, if I could have all the comforts and sources of human pleasure, I’d be happy. My interpretation was, that if I’m a failure, if things are not going the way I want them to, or if I’m a wandering soul always in search of something or frustrated about things I already have, I wouldn’t be happy and if realities are other way round, I thought I would be. It seemed logical, and was definitely easy to believe. But no sooner than, I saw people who seemed to have it all, people who were substantially successful, also displayed a deep resentment, an ongoing state of emptiness, a state that was certainly out of the way I have perceived happiness to be, I was challenged to question my belief-system.

No doubt not having things that define outer comfort could result in frustrations at times, and even physical misery, but does their presence guarantees, we would be happy? Is our happiness really tied to what we have outside of us, may it be outer success, external possessions, wealth or even relationships which in some way or other are also external to us? Does our joy principally come from such sources? I am not saying it doesn’t. But I am not saying that it does either. However, if it is real happiness we are seeking in our lives, we must be aware where does it comes from, if at all it comes.

Perhaps the most logical step to begin this quest is to really and deeply understand what happiness means in the first place. Of course different people have many different views about it. Some views are contradictory; some are more or less similar while many are independent. I won’t be saying one view is better than other, but I do believe there must be something universal about happiness, something that we all can agree about and can accept as a fact. Any reality, if it is a reality, should be universal. It should be independent of how we perceive it or how we think about it. For instance, if an apple has to fall when dropped, it has to fall, independent of how we perceive it, and I strongly believe that all realities in life are built that way. That’s how the universe should operate, independent of our opinions. If happiness is a part of our reality, it must also have to be objective at least to a certain degree. However, let’s first of all discuss about happiness as it is perceived by different people. Of course, there are hundreds, if not thousands of ways of looking at happiness, and it’s impossible to mention them all here, but fortunately, broadly they all can be categorized into opinions resulting from two fundamental paradigms.

Paradigm first-Happiness is a conscious state.

It means thinking of happiness as an emotion, a feeling that we consciously experience. This paradigm is centered on the present moment, what you feel now, at this instant. If you feel good, it means you are happy and if not, you are not. The most important conclusion of this definition is that happiness is temporary, fluctuating and subject to ongoing change. Accepting this model of happiness is challenging for me, as I can’t believe that happiness should be temporary. Because if it is so, then it is never possible for us to be truly happy, as our happiness then remains nothing but just the function of our moods which in turn is the function of external circumstances that is ever fluctuating. If you live by this model, your focus is on instantaneous results, on short term pursuits, on things that will make you feel good instantly. You seek instant gratification and when you don’t get it, (and normally you don’t), you feel sad and frustrated. If you depend on this model you become a slave to the circumstances as those are what your emotions are tied to. However, on a positive note these kinds of people also believe in living each moment, they believe in living in now and here, in the present, with no consideration of the past or future. Their joy is tied to the nature of their present moment, and their every action is directed towards making the “this moment” enjoyable and worthwhile.

Paradigm second-Happiness is a sub-conscious state.

This seems to me a more accurate model of happiness. This model suggests that we do experience happiness but at a deep sub-conscious level. Happiness, as defined by this model, is not the joy we feel on the surface, nor it is something that we experience temporarily. It is a sense of deep inner fulfillment and being peace at oneself that comes from knowing that you have been living with integrity, in harmony with your values and in accordance with changeless principles. It comes from having a character you have found peace with. It can be permanent, depending on whether or not you have developed a character based on fidelity, values and integrity. It is also something you can experience even if you feel sad, even if you are in the worst of circumstances, or even if you are abandoned or lonely. The only necessary and sufficient condition to be happy, if you buy into this model, is that you have discovered your basic goodness and your unique values and have made a conscious choice to live by it. Simple as this definition seems, it’s not that easy to be happy at sub-conscious level. It’s not easy because it’s something you cannot fake. “Fake it till you make it” doesn’t work in this case. You have to be truly good, should you be truly happy. Following this model, however, makes happiness a choice rather than a chance, as you can always choose to be good regardless of your circumstances. So does it suggests success, relationships, comforts doesn’t matter? If you observe closely, only a person, who has developed a character which is guided by a conscience educated by principles, can really hope to have these things in abundance. Consider when you encounter a seemingly insurmountable hurdle as you move towards your goal. Will you give up? That will depend on whether or not you have character to continue. Imagine what if you were to assume certain amount of risks in order to get your business started by giving up your job, will you take this risk? You may take this risk if you have courage to face the consequences, which is again an attribute of character. How do you build and maintain meaningful relationships? I think in most cases it takes trust and unconditional love for relationships to foster. And certainly only people with strong character can be trusted and only such people could love unconditionally too. In this model of happiness, character takes precedence over personality. Future is more important to you than present, as your actions and choices reflect that you always take long-term into account. You tend to avoid things that have no value with the reference frame of your purpose. You live in the present, but your focus is on building a better tomorrow. This knowledge, this realization that you are moving towards your cherished existence, towards your life-purpose is what makes you happy.

Which model should you choose to live by?

I won’t say one model or paradigm is better than the other, because I am not sure about how to go about proving it. It’s also difficult for me to tell you which one is closer to reality. Definition of happiness, thus still remains a mystery. However, my idea of happiness is somewhat a combination of both these models in right proportion. Conscious emotions, I believe, were created for a reason. It is due to conscious emotions, you can fully experience the thrill of a moment. When everything has been said and done, life is but a series of moments entwined together. Life becomes an adventure when you combine these two models. You want to live life to the fullest, but at the same time in harmony of your values. Your choices reflect that you consider both long-term as well as short term. Whenever a good moment comes in your life, you grab it and enjoy it fully, but at the same time you do not get trapped in the emotion or compromise with your values for it. You care for today as much as you care for tomorrow. I think combining these two models gets us closer to real nature of happiness. However, I can’t say that for certain. I can only believe it to be true, and certainly I would want the same for you. But after all, it’s your choice. You are free to live by whatever model you think is accurate. All that we can really hope for is a revelation, to really understand what does being ‘truly happy’ means.

Preparing your value-system would be one of the most important decisions of your life. Your value-system is the map of where you want to be in life. It is the constitution along which your life should be aligned. I have already written a detailed article on how to prepare your value system and importance of preparing a value-system. You can check this article here. In this article article I’ll share my value-system or mission statement. The purpose is to give you more understanding and clarity about how to prepare a value-system through a real example.

My Value-system

1. I’ll be proactive, In every situation I’ll determine the best alternative basing my decisions on conscience educated by principles, and my every action would reflect both short- and long-term consideration and implications, and my awareness of the balanced whole.
2. In all my dealing with people I’ll seek to understand them first and then be understood.
3. I’ll learn to respect my differences with other people and synergize.
4. I’ll try to form deep and meaningful relationship with my family and good people.
5. I’ll be humble enough to learn and grow from new experiences, people and books. I’ll treat everyone and everything as an opportunity to learn something from in some way or other.I’ll consistently try to evolve as a better individual with better insight and with better awareness of things.
6. I’ll strive for excellence in all the works I take responsibility of.
7. I’ll live with Integrity, love, kindess and humility.
8. I’ll take a good care of my health, all physical, mental, social and spiritual.
9. I’ll strive for financial sucsess and freedom. I’ll eventually try to evolve as a business leader who would change lives of millions of people in a positive way.
10. I’ll use money and talents that I have to make life of others better, more enjoyable and sustainable.

Man’s main task in life is to give birth to himself, to become what he potentially is. The most important product of his own effort is his own self.– Erich Fromm

One of the most important lessons I learnt was that my time on earth is limited. All is going to end one day, at least for me. You might be wondering why I am calling this a lesson, when it is one of the most obvious facts known to all. I’ll explain why. Even though most of us know that they are going to become dust one day, hardly anyone ever lives his life in alignment with this truth. Looking at the lives of people it is easy to guess that they are living as if they have all the times in the world. Taking life for granted is the easiest thing to do with life, and that’s what most people do.

When someone delays an important job, I am worried. Quite often this someone is ‘I’. I realize that if I’m not doing today’s job today, I’m actually stealing my tomorrow’s time. More often than not, this realization is enough to drive me. It’s not what I did, but what I could have done, that really gets me crazy. I know in my deathbeds, I won’t regret the wrong things I did as much as the right things I didn’t do. I could have achieved so much more with what I had, had I been a little bit more committed to my purpose. This is the saddest and most painful regret I will encounter.

I have also realized that it is my first and the most important responsibility to convert the vast reserve of human potential I have been endowed into equivalent value in the limited time I have. That’s part of the reason I was sent on earth by God in the first place. So how am I going to do it? I’ll do it in three simple steps—

1. Discover my purpose, my calling.

2. Developing a strong commitment towards my purpose.

3. Living my life aligned with my purpose.

Security is when everything is settled. When nothing can happen to you. Security is the denial of life.- Germaine Greer

Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. – Helen Keller

It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power. – Alan Cohen

I often hear from people that they are afraid to take risks, because they can’t cope up with the consequences. They want to play it safe. They feel comfortable when they feel secure. Their entire endeavors are directed towards one thing- security. But unfortunately, they fail to realize that what they are seeking doesn’t exist in real. This is a fact you must accept, if you are ever going to live a fulfilling life—Security is a myth. Yes, you heard it right. No matter what, as long as you live, you are not going to feel secure. People spent years and years trudging in a dull job, missing all the opportunities life is offering them, just to avoid risk. Businessmen refrain to take new projects because they want to feel secure and satisfied with how things are already going. Consider for a while, what security is, in the first place?  When do you feel most secure? You are most safe and secure when you do nothing. Security is when you believe you would loose nothing. But have you ever thought this way? What is it you have got to loose which is nearly as important as your life? And you are going to loose your life anyway. So when you die, would you regret the wrong things you did as much as the right things you didn’t do?

Anything worthwhile involves some risk. You can spend your life following the crowd or you can walk on the road less traveled by and may be in the process create your own legacy. It is your choice. You are safe in the crowd, but choosing the road less traveled by involves considerate amount of risk. The path is uncertain and the destination is unknown. You have to learn from your failures, and you are going to fail a lot of times. There is no roof overhead, no shelter, and no company. But this is how it goes. However hard the journey may be, or whatever it takes, it is on this road that you will find real happiness. It is on this road you will find real freedom and fulfillment.

Chasing security is worthless. It is far from fulfilling. A prison cell is most secure place there is. But you would agree, it is not wise to be in prison. Anything worthwhile that was ever done was done because someone chose to take risks, because someone chose to come out of his comfort zone and sail across the unknown sea. As Helen Keller points, “Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.” If you are not taking some risk on a regular basis, you are not really living. You merely exist. Even as animals, prisoners.

Giving up doesn’t always mean you are weak; sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go. ~Author Unknown

I don’t know why they call it heartbreak.  It feels like every other part of my body is broken too. ~Missy Altijd

Sadness flies on the wings of the morning and out of the heart of darkness comes the light. ~Jean Giraudoux

Life can sometimes be too harsh on you. Quite a number of times, it throws one of those inevitable relentless curves, which leave you totally helpless and traumatized. These circumstances invite deep emotional pain which is accompanied by feeling of vulnerability. And as a result, you suffer like hell. You feel broken. Sometimes you even cry to tears. All your hopes and aspirations suddenly disappear, promises stand broken and your dreams shatters

There could be a number of such situations that result in this feeling. Here are just few-

1. Someone you have truly loved leaves you, perhaps to never return.
2. You have lost your only chance to get something you have truly wanted.
3. You have done something you otherwise wouldn’t have done, perhaps a terribly big mistake, and the consequences are too overwhelming.
4. You tried with everything you had, only to fail ultimately.

The most common characteristic of such situations is that they generally are situations you can do nothing about. You can’t change them through your physical endeavors. All you can do is wishing, you could go in the past and do things the way you should have done. But obviously you can’t. By all means, you have to accept the pain and learn to live with the tragedy. But there is an important question which needs to be answered. Why in the first place we feel broken? Agreed, we are facing a tremendous setback and we can do nothing about it except facing it. But is it because of any external occurrence that we feel broken? There must be something more to it. Let me explain it with an example. Let’s suppose there’s someone you love who has just left you forever. This is situation A. Now go back in the past when you haven’t even met that person, and didn’t have the hope of meeting him. This is situation B. Obviously in the second situation you don’t feel that bad. How is situation A  different from situation B? Externally, there is no difference as in both cases he isn’t there. So the difference, if at all it exists, has to be internal. It has to be in the way you are or think or feel. Now sure, you can do nothing about the external situation, but may be there’s something you can change in yourself to get rid of the suffering. Sure you can’t control your feelings. But are you going to be immobilized by the feelings? It depends on you.

Like any other person, I have had my share of suffering and setbacks. When I failed in my business at the very outset, I felt this way. I had given the best I had, but my best wasn’t enough. I had sacrificed my everything for it, all for nothing. When the reality came crashing down on me, I couldn’t do anything except for facing the situation and endure the suffering it brought. Another situation was when my girlfriend left me. She made empty promises of being together in bad times and good, and I built my hope, my dreams on those promises. As she went away, my dreams and hopes had to shatter, as the very foundation on which they were standing was shaken. I stood broken.

In these and a number of other occurrences, I have felt the way you might be feeling today. With my experiences, I have come to realize that sure I couldn’t choose success over failure, or couldn’t bring her back without her consent, but whether I was going to be immobilized by it, was within my capability to choose. I had the power to choose my perspective, the way I would see these happenings, which gave me the power to choose my attitude. And since my feelings and my attitude had to be congruent, I also had the power to choose my feelings too. This article explains the shift you could make in your perspective and behavior, to get rid of the sufferings.

Expand your consciousness

As such situation hit you; you literally loose your consciousness. You loose your ability to judge and differentiate, to see things clearly. You don’t see the whole picture, and sometimes don’t even see the correct picture. You make a lot of assumptions which in reality aren’t true. For instance, when you loose something very important, you assume you have lost everything, and that your life has no further meaning. As a result of these false assumptions, you go into a spiral of shrinking consciousness, and you suffer more and more. The basic requirement for any healing to occur, if it’s going to occur, is that you must have a fairly high level of consciousness. This is because you are going to make a conscious choice to shift your perspective, which calls for expanded awareness, and ability to see things with greater clarity. To restore your consciousness, your awareness to the level it was before, is your first job. How do you elevate your awareness level? It’s just a matter of moment. The moment you decide to connect with your consciousness, you get it back. It’s as simple as that. In reality, you don’t lose your consciousness. It is there all the times. You just get disconnected or unplugged due to the serious impact or surge of the situation. And all you need to do is plug yourself back in.

Accept things as they are.

Our suffering stems from our non-acceptance of reality. When my girlfriend left me, I couldn’t believe it happened. I didn’t want to accept it. I wanted to live with the belief that she is still the one who wouldn’t leave me no matter how hard it was for her to survive with me. My desire to live with this false belief created for me a virtual reality, where things were the way I wanted them to be, but deep inside was the awareness that they are not. I knew it happened, but I didn’t accept it. This contradiction between my knowledge and awareness invited tremendous frustration and more and more pain. I began to realize, I had to accept the situation as it is. As I accepted the situation, surprisingly I gained strength and courage. I felt strong enough to leave it behind and move on. Later I realized it happened because my whole inner being got in agreement that the situation can’t be mended, that it is my attitude towards it that needs to be mended. And this level of awareness was inconceivable when I had not accepted the situation. Therefore I urge you to accept what happened to you, accept your weaknesses that invited such heart-breaking consequences.

Make a choice to move on.

Now that you are in position of making choices and acting on it, it is your chance to choose your perspective. The apparent best choice is to move on. Clinging to the past is only going to make you weaker.  You need to discover the strength that lies within yourself, the strength to move on. It takes a lot of courage to decide that you have to move on, that you have to live your past behind, and never look back. It’s hard, I know. But this is the price you must pay to create a better reality. Sure you won’t get the person you loved, or a second chance, but still you will discover a lot of new opportunities coming your way. So don’t look for the closed door for so long that you miss these new doors which have been opened up for you. You will discover your strength to move on, if it is the only choice you have been left with. Realize that you are just a choice away from a better reality.

Learn from your mistakes and resolve you won’t commit them again.

We can choose our actions but we can’t choose the consequences of our actions. May be the heart-breaking situation you are facing are consequences of your past choices. Obviously of a few mistakes you didn’t paid enough heed to. Now you don’t have the option to go back in the past and make a different choice, but you have the option to learn from your mistakes, so that you won’t commit it again in the future. I realized it late that my girlfriend left me perhaps because, I took her love for granted. I didn’t repay her love enough. I know if I could go back in the past and change this, she wouldn’t have left. But the fact is, which I must accept, I have lost my only chance. So the best thing I can do now is to learn from this, and resolve that next time, if I ever fall in love again, I won’t take her love for granted, and would try my best to show her that I love her equally or more.